Better Beastiary

    

     There's more to moat protection these days than a drawbridge and some crocodiles. Today, moat owners require something with a little more pizazz - and something that will fit in with those tricky H.O.A. guidelines.

     "My home owner's association doesn't allow what they consider to be 'dangerous' pets," explains Franklin Belrose, owner of a quaint, but luxurious, cottage mired in a primeval bog, "so traditional moat dwellers were out. They don't seem to mind the plants, though. I got my snapping stars as fingerlings just a few years back and already they've filled out the whole moat. They're beautiful to look at and they keep trespassers at bay."

   And keeping trespassers at bay is precisely what moat owners are looking for. Whether for want of privacy or protection, these land owners look to brute force, or at least the threat of it, to ward off intruders. So why the sudden uptick in form-over-function moat dwellers like ornamental eels and flowering snapping stars? 

   "It's not as wild a world as we once lived in," says eel breeder Mio Oshiru, "We can afford some leeway in what's protecting us. People don't want to feel trapped by their moats, they want to be enriched by them."

   And it would seem she's right. Her eels, which come in every shape, size, and color, sell for astronomical amounts at auction. 

   "They're works of art," says Mio, "and buyers treat them that way."

   But it's not just beauty that moat owners are after, safety is an issue that's close to the heart of many. Anti-moat groups have often cited the dangers of moat dwelling creatures as grounds to ban them from neighborhoods. But castle owners Dan and Sherry Sanden believe they've found a solution in the monstrous leeches they raise in their moats.

   "We've got young kids and you never know what they'll get into. With leeches, the benefits are two-fold: the water levels they need are very shallow, so we don't worry about the kiddos falling in, and leeches are easily trained by scent to know the difference between family and foe. They might not look it, but they're fiercely loyal little buggers."

    But not all anti-moat fears are unfounded. Strings of disappearances in Ireland led to an outcry against the use of kelpies in domestic settings. Though laws were put in place to stem the tide, many moats are still stocked with these insidious creatures.

    "They don't belong to me, I can't be held accountable," explains Cecil Byrnes, a farmer whose bogs are littered with hand-made signs warning of the beasts below the water's surface, "I don't feed 'em or care for 'em. I put up the signs, but I won't get rid of them - they're natural creatures in their natural environment. I'm a conservationist."

    But there's little doubt that his kelpies had some help in getting there. Farmers, looking to keep theiving hands, both animal and human, off their crops, release wild kelpies into their bogs - a loophole around the regulations. No one can argue with their effectiveness - so famous are kelpies for their deadly gile, that even the rumor of them keeps would-be vandals at bay - but nearby families often fear for the safety of their children and livestock.

 

     Proponents of moats are the first to point out that a moat owner's highest concern should be for the safety and well-being of their neighbors and families. Whether they stock their moats for beauty, status, practicality, or protection, moat owners hold sole responsibility for the creatures they keep in their waters.